A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
