when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
