mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
