his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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