so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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