You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Plan B is the new Plan A
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
