so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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