I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
