i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
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It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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