ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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