I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
