i permit you to call me
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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