I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
