What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
