you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
