people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
