There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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