Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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