I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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