I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
