My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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