Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
someone get that fucking seahorse.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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