I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
