I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
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You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
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Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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