# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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