What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
