hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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