I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We talked him into tasing himself.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
