i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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