took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
