Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
