I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Welp...herpes.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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