Barsexuality is the new black.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
