I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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