The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
