someone owes me an orgasm
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
