No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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