i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
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He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
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Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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