I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
