She is in my trunk
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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