I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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