I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
