Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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