I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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