is your mom at the bar?
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
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She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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