Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
