Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
