I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
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Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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