listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
