I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Found your dick twin last night
The air was thick with penises
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
