so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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