There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Vodka?
Forever.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
