Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
