The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
