I wanna bring you to show and tell
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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