I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
