that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
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You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
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Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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