He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
