Hippo gnu deer
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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