just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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