The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
