I must be too annoying 4 u.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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