I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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