mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
