totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
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I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
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I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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